ugh [explicit post warning]

i'm tired, i have a headache, and i've had one of the longest days ever. my work load was insane this week b/c this friday was a big day. thankfully i made it through with minor scrapes.

i dunno if it's hormonal (thanks aunt flow) or if it's my sabotaging subconscious self (alliteration, woo!) but i'm feeling very doubtful. i just want to scream at the top of my lungs and vent..but im afraid of what might come out of my mouth in this mindset. i cant even write it down without it coming off as a big FUCK YOU, but sometimes i just need to just say it. FUCK YOU. fuck everything fuck this shit fuck the world. im sick and tired of this life and all it's stupid FUCKING bumps in the road. all this goddamned nonsense and bullshit we have to go through each and everyday. all this fucking primping and doubting and fasting and exercising to look good for someone else?! how does that work? i guess im in a really bad mood. i want to comment on everything. b/c sometimes i feel like NOTHING HAS A FUCKING POINT. what good am i doing sitting in my office doing shit i'm so bored by. where is the excitement and passion? OH YEA IM FUCKING BROKE. b/c i made stupid fucking mistakes by trusting and investing in some stupid ass CUNT who fucking owes me money and doesnt have the decency to fucking pay me. WTF. IM TIRED OF THIS LIFE. im tired of making excuses for shit. why the fuck should i care about helping such a cruel frucking world. why should i justify my bad luck with "things happen for a reason" "if it's meant to be it will" and all this other bullshit. do i really fucking believe that?? is that how i make myself feel better for my fucking failures? WHEN THE FUCK IS IT MY TURN to get a break. i want the easy life. i dont care who judges me. FUCK YOU for judging. mind your own fucking business. i want money i want fame i want excess. anyone who says they dont is a liar. everyone wants a little more than what they have. and if they claim otherwise, they're full of shit. why the fuck do i go on some bullshit online diary to "blog" or "vent" when really i could just tell people how i really feel about them instead of this roundabout bullshit. OH WAIT but they have feelings. WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE? were my feelings considered when i was made fun of in school? were my feelings considered when i was left with a FUCKING eviction on my record thanks to some bitch? NO ONE CARES. what they care to do is judge and label and call you dramatic and sensitive and all this other stuff to make themselves feel righteous or better. well FUCK YOU TOO. you can keep it moving. all we are is a virus on this piece of shit floating in space. in a few i'll be dead and no one will care! i dont give a shit about anyone but myself. and if more people admitted this to themselves maybe it'd be a better world. maybe it'd be different simply b/c it's based on honesty. every single one of my decisions has been made to benefit one person: myself. that's the honest truth. and FUCK YOU if you judge me. who the hell are you to do such a thing? im so sick of all the fucking bullshit. is that all humanity has to offer? bullshit??
i dont fucking care. I DONT FUCKING CARE. YOUR burden is NOT mine to bare. and if you choose to bare my burden that's on YOU, since that's the kind of mindset other people have ANYWAY. FUCK it. i will too. PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING RETARDED AND FAKE. i'm tired of fucking censoring myself. this is MY fucking blog and i'll say whatever i want. "oh you're such a child. you're being a brat throwing a tantrum" yea well FUCK YOU. i will have a fucking tantrum if i so choose.
IUGHETAWELJGBWNkgaelr hjrkgnerg.

im done.