I really wish I could commit to doing something consistently which is actually good for me. For whatever reason, I seem to sabotage any such effort and instead commit to consistently doing bad things, making bad decisions. I could be completely aware of the wiser (and necessarily) tougher decision yet I will make the poorer choice.
I'm not sure I know what love means/feels for me anymore. My associations in the past have proved my definition wrong.
I would hate to think that I have become an icy heartless shell of a creature with no more connection to this life or this world beyond my corporate labor. It sucks to feel like I am just going through the motions of a shadow of a life.
So much potential but where is the kinetic? What will move me to action? Why must I let myself fall to the very bottom before I decide to make a positive change?
Is control an illusion? Do I really have more power to control this experience called life?
I should really write in this blog more. Maybe if/when I actually quit my job. Oh greener pastures, I refuse to believe that seeking you over my current station makes me a quitter. I wanna be a big fish in a smaller pond, these waters are to frigid for me.