all you need is love...love is all you need

Sometimes I can't handle all these overwhelming emotions of love. Yea it sounds so gross and sugary enough to put you in a coma, but I don't care. I am completely and utterly in love with my girlfriend. Every thought of her brings me happiness. She makes my heart flutter and she's the only person who's consistently made me smile first thing in the morning [i'm such a grouch!]. Every time I think about her, she calls. She goes above and beyond my expectations without being a pushover or compromising her own person. She has her own style and her own opinion; just because I like something doesn't mean she will. It's so refreshing to have conversations with her because not only does she stimulate me mentally, but watching her talk and the way her mouth moves when she pronounces words is just fascinating. I've never been more attracted to anyone. She challenges me without putting me down or making me feel inadequate, while inspiring me to be better. She's beautiful inside and out and carries herself with confidence, but is aware of her own shortcomings (which I think adds to how great she is). She's caring and generous and takes her friendships seriously. She's rational and fair; I've never had as great communication as I do with her. Our problem resolution is phenomenal. We work great as a team and have fun. I don't think I've ever spent this much time with someone without EVER getting tired of them.. I mean, not only is she an amazing lover, she's a great friend. We can spend the entire day together, just chillin out, and it's great. This is all in addition to the fact that she's freaking hot. My woman is the sexiest most appealling person I've ever been with.. I love every inch of her body [she's thick in ALL THE RIGHT PLACES]. She has a fantastic ass [and she must be tired of hearing it b/c I tell her this practically every day], a super sexy figure, legs I could stroke for days, a phenomenal rack, lovely hands and feet, a dimple in her chin [sigh], FRECKLESSSSS in just the right spots, a tummy perfect for raspberries and kisses, arms perfect for wrapping me up in [flutter], a soft always-amazing-smelling neck, hair I love to smell and pull on, ears perfect for nibbling, sexy brown eyes I could get lost in, a perfectly irresistably-kissable nose, those cheeks [i've probably kissed them about a million times], and the most unforgettable, dazzling, sincere, and best smile you could ask for. And you already know about my sex life [see earlier posts]. So in essence, this woman has had the most profound impact on my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. Whew, I'm spent..and yet there are still so many words, so many ways, to describe the way I feel about her, and even more to describe how great she is. She's such a blessing, and I'm so grateful.

I love you babe.


+vibes

BDAY

So yesterday was my birthday. I can't believe how old I am..it seriously doesn't feel like I'm any older than 19. I do feel and see how I've matured over the years, but I still can't really associate my age with 24. It's a lot to think about right now.

I'm sitting at work and realized not only have I not blogged in a minute, but I haven't blogged since my angry blow up. Thankfully, my anger was assuaged by my wonderful woman, who somehow has the power to make me smile even in the worst of times. I fall for her each and every day.

Saturday was nice in that: I got the see Lynz (whom I hadn't seen in FOREVER); Tiffany came through which I thought was extra awesome; my cousins came through and were such a positive and empowering presence; and of course seeing all of the people who I know/have met through Fausto (who hosted the party). Overall, however, I was really disappointed with my end of the turn out. A lot of people I extended an invite to didn't make it. Some had excuses, some didn't. Some let me know they wouldn't be able to make it beforehand, some didn't say anything at all. It actually doesn't surprise me, [but it's things like this that make me so picky when it comes to friendships]. What is disappointing is that I extend myself to people who really don't deserve it. So I'm done. I'm done with fake people, I'm done with people who are negative, and I'm done with people who are inconsistent. I'm also done feeling hurt. At the end of the day, those who mean the most to me will be those who've been there the most for me. And in turn, I'll be there for them. [yep, still sticking to high standards]

I've come to learn that it's not healthy to dwell or linger on negative things. And I've also come to learn and appreciate the value of second chances. That doesn't mean that I'm going to put up with bullshit tho..no one is worth that much that I would let them continuously hurt me or pull the same kind of crap. I have more respect for myself than that.

I understand you're only human, but so am I. The expectations I place on you I also place on myself; I'd never expect you to do something I personally wasn't willing to do.
So if you didn't make it to my party, it's cool...just don't expect an invite to any others unless we had a prior understanding.

That being said, I'm moving on.

The day of my birth itself was quite pleasant. I spent it with the most beautiful, inspiring, brilliant, strong and sexy woman I know: my one and only.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

+vibes [this is the clear sign-off winner, in case you missed it :-P]

disappointed

yep, i'm disappointed. am i surprised? no.
even in friendship, there are still lessons to learn about people.


it's not the fact that you can't make it. it's how nonchalant you are when you know how much it meant to me for you to be there. i extended myself to you yet again, in hopes of establishing some semblance of closeness, but i see that's not going to be the case.

go ahead and call me dramatic, i really don't care.

cakes of rainbows and feelings

Before I begin this post, I must say thanks to a friend of mine who's inspired me to blog more. My girl was the original inspiration, but seeing how life can get in the way, I really lost the motivation to blog. I only recently re-appreciated the therapeutic values of blogging through seeing my friend's posts. I truly appreciate the openness with which she approaches blogging [even about personal stuff] so thanks Lory!

------------------------------------------------------------

When does a song go from being a really great hit to a highly referenced joke? Does it happen when it's featured on South Park afterwhich any mention of it elicits a chuckle or two?
It's Sunday morning and I actually got up when I set my alarm. After semi-fitful sleep, I woke up and turned on my ihome (sometimes I like to listen to some tunes in the morning, though I really appreciate the value of silence and natural sounds). So I'm surfing the radio and I come across this song that most everybody knows. It's called "Lovin' You" by Minnie Riperton. Now, at first glance you may or may not recognize it. My own exposure to it actually happened via a South Park episode (if they sing the highest note of the song, the donkey explodes). Since then, I've heard it many times, mostly in a comedy setting. I never actually appreciated the song, however, until I actually listened to the lyrics. And being that I am mushier these days than I was before, I definitely felt a romantic connection with the song. The words definitely spoke to me. That being said, below are the lyrics. I dedicate this song (on top of the million other love songs) to my one and only. Love you babe!

Lovin' You by Minnie Riperton

Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all i wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that i do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old

And we will live each day in springtime
Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with lovin' you

Lovin' you i see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we... oooooh
I'm more in love with you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

Lyrics courtesy of www.romantic-lyrics.com.

peace!

it's been a minute

...since i've blogged, and a lot has happened. most recently, however, i had a disturbing conversation with one of the most meaningful people in my life. the conversation was disturbing in that it brought to light several issues of which i wasn't aware.

i wish i were a man.

while most men would take that statement as typical "penis envy," for me it carries so much weight. how different would my life be if i were automatically superior to someone else just because of my gender? how many more freedoms would i have enjoyed growing up a male child? how much less of a headache/burden would my existence be to my parents?

i like myself. i like who i've become and who i'm growing to be. i like the positive strides i've made and though i've made many mistakes in the past, i like how they've shaped me. i would be content in being a woman if it weren't for society. not only would i be respected more as a man (unfortunately), but i would never have to worry about how it looks to other people when i hold my girlfriend's hand or kiss her passionately as i often want to do (but am scared to for fear of being inappropriate). and it's not all for my own peace of mind either. my girlfriend wouldn't have to worry about any obstacles like explaining our relationship to her family, worrying how her family will react, worrying how society will react, if we could ever legally get married, and furthermore, how building a family would work.

it would be a lot easier if i were a man.

but then, is anything worth having easy? would we really value such a thing if attaining it was so trivial?

this vague stream of consciousness will probably puzzle some, but it's helped me. alright, i'm done unloading. back to work.

I had to publish this...

..because it was the most amazing event in my [sex] life.

I know a lot of people are very timid when it comes down to sexual conversations. Either they feel embarrassed talking about it, they haven't experienced enough to have a real conversation about it, or they're just private about it. I'm definitely not bashful when it comes to talking about sex - either general conversation or details about my own personal experiences are fair game in my book. Warning: this post may get a little steamy for sensitive readers, so continue reading at your own risk.

Too many women continue to live their lives without experiencing one of the most basic [and necessary] of human joys: the orgasm. Either they just don't know what it takes to get them there [for lack of information or a partner] or their partners just don't know what they're doing.

The largest demographic of unsatisfied women [at least in my own experience] have been heterosexual women, which doesn't surprise me. Men just don't know what they're doing sometimes and even if they do, they may just lack patience and focus on their own pleasure [my own opinion: men are always out to bust through jabbing something with their penis, and being that they believe their penis is enough of a "pleasure tool", they're not really concerned about going above and beyond in other ways]. Since it's more likely for the man to bust during sex than the woman, it's just easier to bone til he busts and call it day; take whatever pleasure you can get while he's still hard.

A large part of missing out on orgasms goes back to lack of information. What better way to figure out what feels good than by doing it with someone with whom you are most comfortable? Don't hate, masturbate! I am a HUGE proponent of masturbation. Not only is it good for educational purposes [both for yourself and to teach others] but it's necessary to develop the nerves that help you O!
It's like when you're starting to learn how to write. Your handwriting is sloppy and your grip on the pencil is shaky, but with time and practice, your fingers and hand gain more dexterity and your brain builds nerves/synapses to retain that skill. In essence, if you don't use it, you lose it!

It's really too bad that more girls/women aren't encouraged to masturbate. Perhaps it stems from the whole power dynamic between men and women: women aren't allowed to derive pleasure for themselves, but simply provide pleasure [and children] to men.

Now, I'm not trying to hate on guys - I'm not anti-men - but, logically speaking, doesn't it make sense that another woman would know what to do with a vagina than a man? Assuming she's experienced [or, like some of us, naturally gifted ;-) ] she'll know where your clit is, where your G-spot is, the difference between the two, and what to do with them to make you climax [because she has one too! unbelieveable isn't it].

An orgasm is a wonderful thing. Whether through clitoral stimulation or massaging the g-spot, an orgasm is generally described the same way: an explosion and then waves of pleasure.
By this point, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this and how this is relevant. I needed to provide some background information before getting down and dirty with the details [you like that alliteration, don't front].

Basically: I HAVE THE BEST SEX LIFE EVER.

What does this mean and/or entail? It means sex at least 5 times a week and o-ing every time. It also means [at least for me] that every time, it's better than the last! Don't ask me how that's possible..my lovergirl is just amazing that way [and NO you CAN'T have her so stop wishing].
So one hot and heavy evening of the most incredible sex I've ever had, I orgasmed so hard and long [that's what she said] that I cried. I legit started to cry because I was so overwhelmed by the waves of that funnygoodfeeling that I couldn't contain my emotion.

As I am a visual person, let me attempt at showing you what I mean.
For me, a typical orgasm feels like an explosion, waves of pleasure wash over you, and then it dies down and looks like this [at least how I would describe it via keyboard]:

||||||||||||||||||||--_.

Notice how it diminishes towards the end. That's typically when most people lie back and cuddle.
What I experienced was more like this:

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||--_.

Notice how much longer that is and how it doesn't really "die down" til the very, very end. I just kept experiencing the waves, each as intense as the one before. Is it a wonder that I cried?? And no I'm not a crier, and yes I have a rep to protect, but I'll admit it. I cried. I'm not ashamed. BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO YOU EXPECT?!
And I just had to tell someone. What better way to reach people than by blogging?

In any case, if you haven't had an orgasm, you're missing out. Go do some research and get there yourself. Or if you already know what you're doing, find someone who does too or who is willing to learn and takes direction well...you'd be amazed at how much an eager student can absorb!

[jealous? yea..i'd be too]

aaaand I'm spent.
Love, peace, and hot [safe] sex to all!

Awkward turtles and their babies..

There's something about talking to a "pseudo" ex that is kind of awkward for me.

We all know what "pseudo" exes are. They're basically people with whom you connect, flirt, talk for hours on the phone, (maybe even have sex) and picture a relationship, but it never really materializes. They're the people who you expose yourself to at most risk because you really don't know where it will go, even if they assure you that you're "on track to getting there."

Sidenote: To me, getting on track towards a relationship is a huge deal. It means that I'm comfortable with making myself vulnerable to you ON TOP of wanting to be monogamous, which isn't really reflected on my track record (ie., my mom called me a womanizer).

I find the whole courting ritual a load of bullshit. You know right off the bat if you're able to be in a relationship with someone or not. If you have doubts (and they clearly outweigh your chemistry), then clearly it's not gonna happen. I just hate when people try to string it along when it's going nowhere..kinda makes me wonder why they do it.
Anyway, at some point you (or they) realize it wouldn't work out. So you're left with some resentment and a lot of questions that would make you seem clingy and pathetic if you asked. Then you move on and kind of cut them out of your life, because heck, you haven't really gotten over them.
So you don't want to see them, and then the next time you do (if it's recent enough to the pseudo-breakup) and they still make you melt, you must start the healing process all over again b/c they've probably moved on by then (I always assume I like someone more than they like me, since this has usually been the case with people I legitimately like). You cut them off again and after a while, you start to see their flaws and the reasons why you would never work out. And hopefully, you come across someone who's even better. Only then, can you be pseudo-friends. But, it's still a little awkward/entertaining to interact after not having done so for a really long time. I'm so interested in the human condition. All these feelings matter to the person experiencing them, and we go through so much bullshit and so much pain for NO reason, other than the natural drama that is being human.

In the end, I'm elated things didn't work out. Everything happens for a reason..and I've found mine :)

I hate money

So this is the lamest thing ever. I have so much debt, I'm absolutely broke, and to top it all off, my business AmEx has been declined because the good people at my job have spent $8000 over the limit.
What's the added bonus? I'm in the middle of nowhere, massachusetts.



This means that I had to go into my pityful excuse for a checking account and *overdraw* so I could pay for gas...AND I'm staying here until tomorrow, which means I overdrew even more cash just to be safe. I think one of my worst fears is getting stranded. I can see myself actually crying...but I digress. My point is, I hate money and our sad reliance on it to function in society.

Do you know what a good life is? Does it involve having exorbitant amounts of money? Or is it feeling true and pure joy/happiness/love?


People (myself included) like to believe that money is the solution to all problems. If I had loads of money, I could pay off all my debt, quit my job and retire early, buy my girl pretty things, travel around the world and be successful in my parents eyes. This would lead to a stress-free life which would help my health and translate into living longer and enjoying life thoroughly while I'm still here. When you really think about it though, I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for money. If I didn't have to *pay* for school or *pay* for my car insurance or have to *pay* to purchase anything for that matter, money wouldn't even be an issue. It would become obsolete. Do you know how many trees we would save by not having money? Whatever happened to trading goods for services?

I guess an agrarian lifestyle at this point in history would be going backwards... or would it?

Food for thought. And yes, the pun was intended.

Even Homer gets down..

Just another way in which the people have spoken....



I think it's so awesome that even creators of a show like the Simpsons (which is on it's 20th season) are inspired and moved enough to make quite a statement as to this year's monumental election. Why? Because their viewers are enlightened people. Our generation, the generation that's kept this show running, is the same one that elected Barack.

I may not be a super-politico, but this is something that I just HAD to post.

Ps. This one's for you babe.