inspired

i haven't written here in a while, mainly b/c a lot of shit has gone down in my life (which i think deserves a few independent posts) but i wanted to post my poem.
so i was inspired by my girl and wrote this out as it came to me. i decided to capture it on tape for her so she could really get a sense of delivery. there are a few edits from that one tho, just for polishing. here it is:

girl

see, i'm a woman of few words
i sit quietly and observe
but you
you made me swerve
drunken off your body
got my slurring:

damn girl, you fine

leaving my tongue twisted and tied
like a tie-dyed shirt
you in a skirt?
WHOA
colors swirling
brain twirling
everything's blurring
cuz

DAMN girl, you fine

see, i'm hard-pressed to
fine someone who's
impressed me
with those curves
from your lips to your hips
and those thighs and those eyes
yea they're corny lines
but

damn girl! you fine!

what a wonderful entry, awakening
my heart's sentry
at my side
open my eyes wide in the morning and
there
you
are
delicious
as the bee's prize:
the sweet honey, secret in their mines
their life lines
cut
to protect it

like I
protect you

not cuz you're a dime
not cuz you're divine (in my eyes)

nah

it's cuz you're mine

(and damn girl... you FINE!)


©2009 R.S. Medina

realized..

that there's no one i'd rather be with than her. i could wake up to her next to me forever. i don't care what the implications are behind that statement - it's what i feel and it's the truth.

work vs. play

Where does being grateful to be employed end and hating your job begins?

At this point, I find myself floating in between. On the one hand, I'm so grateful to be employed in this horrific market [thanks Bush.] and to have a steady income. On the other hand, I'm starting to really dislike my job. Not only are the people ridiculous (I've never met an office diva til I started here), but the actual job is not exciting or motivating at all. I realize this is only a stepping stone in my career, but this REALLY sucks balls. I've never heard of someone being reprimanded for NOT chitchatting with their boss. Productive use of time much? Also, I strongly dislike the fact that my work hours extend beyond the 9-5:30 frame. I don't want to work while I'm at home. I don't want to have to work at my social life's expense either (and by this I mean after-hours shit). If this were banking or an executive firm, I would understand the value behind putting in 70 hrs of work. This is DEF not the case and I don't get paid overtime. I make very little as it is for the amount of work expected of me. Ugh..I hate that I don't like my job, but it is what it is. In any case, I'm still on the job hunt.


+vibes

all you need is love...love is all you need

Sometimes I can't handle all these overwhelming emotions of love. Yea it sounds so gross and sugary enough to put you in a coma, but I don't care. I am completely and utterly in love with my girlfriend. Every thought of her brings me happiness. She makes my heart flutter and she's the only person who's consistently made me smile first thing in the morning [i'm such a grouch!]. Every time I think about her, she calls. She goes above and beyond my expectations without being a pushover or compromising her own person. She has her own style and her own opinion; just because I like something doesn't mean she will. It's so refreshing to have conversations with her because not only does she stimulate me mentally, but watching her talk and the way her mouth moves when she pronounces words is just fascinating. I've never been more attracted to anyone. She challenges me without putting me down or making me feel inadequate, while inspiring me to be better. She's beautiful inside and out and carries herself with confidence, but is aware of her own shortcomings (which I think adds to how great she is). She's caring and generous and takes her friendships seriously. She's rational and fair; I've never had as great communication as I do with her. Our problem resolution is phenomenal. We work great as a team and have fun. I don't think I've ever spent this much time with someone without EVER getting tired of them.. I mean, not only is she an amazing lover, she's a great friend. We can spend the entire day together, just chillin out, and it's great. This is all in addition to the fact that she's freaking hot. My woman is the sexiest most appealling person I've ever been with.. I love every inch of her body [she's thick in ALL THE RIGHT PLACES]. She has a fantastic ass [and she must be tired of hearing it b/c I tell her this practically every day], a super sexy figure, legs I could stroke for days, a phenomenal rack, lovely hands and feet, a dimple in her chin [sigh], FRECKLESSSSS in just the right spots, a tummy perfect for raspberries and kisses, arms perfect for wrapping me up in [flutter], a soft always-amazing-smelling neck, hair I love to smell and pull on, ears perfect for nibbling, sexy brown eyes I could get lost in, a perfectly irresistably-kissable nose, those cheeks [i've probably kissed them about a million times], and the most unforgettable, dazzling, sincere, and best smile you could ask for. And you already know about my sex life [see earlier posts]. So in essence, this woman has had the most profound impact on my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. Whew, I'm spent..and yet there are still so many words, so many ways, to describe the way I feel about her, and even more to describe how great she is. She's such a blessing, and I'm so grateful.

I love you babe.


+vibes

BDAY

So yesterday was my birthday. I can't believe how old I am..it seriously doesn't feel like I'm any older than 19. I do feel and see how I've matured over the years, but I still can't really associate my age with 24. It's a lot to think about right now.

I'm sitting at work and realized not only have I not blogged in a minute, but I haven't blogged since my angry blow up. Thankfully, my anger was assuaged by my wonderful woman, who somehow has the power to make me smile even in the worst of times. I fall for her each and every day.

Saturday was nice in that: I got the see Lynz (whom I hadn't seen in FOREVER); Tiffany came through which I thought was extra awesome; my cousins came through and were such a positive and empowering presence; and of course seeing all of the people who I know/have met through Fausto (who hosted the party). Overall, however, I was really disappointed with my end of the turn out. A lot of people I extended an invite to didn't make it. Some had excuses, some didn't. Some let me know they wouldn't be able to make it beforehand, some didn't say anything at all. It actually doesn't surprise me, [but it's things like this that make me so picky when it comes to friendships]. What is disappointing is that I extend myself to people who really don't deserve it. So I'm done. I'm done with fake people, I'm done with people who are negative, and I'm done with people who are inconsistent. I'm also done feeling hurt. At the end of the day, those who mean the most to me will be those who've been there the most for me. And in turn, I'll be there for them. [yep, still sticking to high standards]

I've come to learn that it's not healthy to dwell or linger on negative things. And I've also come to learn and appreciate the value of second chances. That doesn't mean that I'm going to put up with bullshit tho..no one is worth that much that I would let them continuously hurt me or pull the same kind of crap. I have more respect for myself than that.

I understand you're only human, but so am I. The expectations I place on you I also place on myself; I'd never expect you to do something I personally wasn't willing to do.
So if you didn't make it to my party, it's cool...just don't expect an invite to any others unless we had a prior understanding.

That being said, I'm moving on.

The day of my birth itself was quite pleasant. I spent it with the most beautiful, inspiring, brilliant, strong and sexy woman I know: my one and only.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

+vibes [this is the clear sign-off winner, in case you missed it :-P]

ugh [explicit post warning]

i'm tired, i have a headache, and i've had one of the longest days ever. my work load was insane this week b/c this friday was a big day. thankfully i made it through with minor scrapes.

i dunno if it's hormonal (thanks aunt flow) or if it's my sabotaging subconscious self (alliteration, woo!) but i'm feeling very doubtful. i just want to scream at the top of my lungs and vent..but im afraid of what might come out of my mouth in this mindset. i cant even write it down without it coming off as a big FUCK YOU, but sometimes i just need to just say it. FUCK YOU. fuck everything fuck this shit fuck the world. im sick and tired of this life and all it's stupid FUCKING bumps in the road. all this goddamned nonsense and bullshit we have to go through each and everyday. all this fucking primping and doubting and fasting and exercising to look good for someone else?! how does that work? i guess im in a really bad mood. i want to comment on everything. b/c sometimes i feel like NOTHING HAS A FUCKING POINT. what good am i doing sitting in my office doing shit i'm so bored by. where is the excitement and passion? OH YEA IM FUCKING BROKE. b/c i made stupid fucking mistakes by trusting and investing in some stupid ass CUNT who fucking owes me money and doesnt have the decency to fucking pay me. WTF. IM TIRED OF THIS LIFE. im tired of making excuses for shit. why the fuck should i care about helping such a cruel frucking world. why should i justify my bad luck with "things happen for a reason" "if it's meant to be it will" and all this other bullshit. do i really fucking believe that?? is that how i make myself feel better for my fucking failures? WHEN THE FUCK IS IT MY TURN to get a break. i want the easy life. i dont care who judges me. FUCK YOU for judging. mind your own fucking business. i want money i want fame i want excess. anyone who says they dont is a liar. everyone wants a little more than what they have. and if they claim otherwise, they're full of shit. why the fuck do i go on some bullshit online diary to "blog" or "vent" when really i could just tell people how i really feel about them instead of this roundabout bullshit. OH WAIT but they have feelings. WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE? were my feelings considered when i was made fun of in school? were my feelings considered when i was left with a FUCKING eviction on my record thanks to some bitch? NO ONE CARES. what they care to do is judge and label and call you dramatic and sensitive and all this other stuff to make themselves feel righteous or better. well FUCK YOU TOO. you can keep it moving. all we are is a virus on this piece of shit floating in space. in a few i'll be dead and no one will care! i dont give a shit about anyone but myself. and if more people admitted this to themselves maybe it'd be a better world. maybe it'd be different simply b/c it's based on honesty. every single one of my decisions has been made to benefit one person: myself. that's the honest truth. and FUCK YOU if you judge me. who the hell are you to do such a thing? im so sick of all the fucking bullshit. is that all humanity has to offer? bullshit??
i dont fucking care. I DONT FUCKING CARE. YOUR burden is NOT mine to bare. and if you choose to bare my burden that's on YOU, since that's the kind of mindset other people have ANYWAY. FUCK it. i will too. PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING RETARDED AND FAKE. i'm tired of fucking censoring myself. this is MY fucking blog and i'll say whatever i want. "oh you're such a child. you're being a brat throwing a tantrum" yea well FUCK YOU. i will have a fucking tantrum if i so choose.
IUGHETAWELJGBWNkgaelr hjrkgnerg.

im done.

don't bother reading this, im just venting

e;htrjhlWHRTGP iluwejkbhalsjfkn adlfjkband;flkbjna
ganj lkrhbdknfm askhfbbhfjnk asbfioajRGHWWWWWWTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

ARGH.



ok, im done.

+vibes.